Training again feels good.....Making sure I don't take on more than I can handle, aided by a cleric named Omutt, I feel as if I am reborn. How could I ever have abandoned the rush, the heightened level of awareness, the delicate balance of life and death, the tenseness present when one faces their opponent? The one true art form, more basic than any other, but oh so beautiful, that battle is? How could I ever allow myself to dull, to waste away time in the inn, which surely has it's charms too, to cloud my mind so much that I forgot what it is like to stand on the battlefield?

And thinking back only makes me smile. It was the most productive insult ever aimed at me.

I've spent some time away from the busier towns. After a while at our guild hall I went to Caernivale to open something, and decided to stay for a while. The quiet town had a positive effect on me. I ran into Shai, who is fortunately doing well as a rogue. We talked a bit, and it helped me. She also gave me some tea. Hadn't had any in a while, it tasted good. Much better than ale, even. Helped me clear my mind...The silence of these mountains also helps. I feel better...more at ease. As if I no longer bear a burden I've been carrying with me....I cannot identify what it is though.

Just a few more days here, and I'll probably go back....get some exercise, get into shape again.....I really let my body down.

I no longer have the strength I once had. It is as if my body has had enough. Enough of the endless slaughters I've witnessed, and the fair share I caused myself. And at times I don't even know if my mind has the strength to carry on. I'm just.....wasting my life away in the inn. Where did the vitality and the willpower I once had, go to? Is there not more behind those doors? The emptiness of the inn is almost symbolical, representing the emptiness of my mind. The void where once great strength was.

She got me thinking. As stupid as her comment was, it sparked something in my mind. How much of that courage am I showing? How far can one see through the shell? And most important: What's inside?